...Not.

I. HATE. THAT. WOMAN.

Honestly, I think I'm a pretty nice person. I have my moments where I can be snarky, or just run out of patience and snap at people, but all in all, I tend to get along with most people, even when they seriously wear on my nerves.

BUT HER--

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAURRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHH.

I can safely say that I hate her. And hate is a very strong word. Why do I hate her? I have several totally justifiable reasons.

Number 1: The first time I meet her, she goes to great lengths to subtly criticize my everything about me, insinuating that her daughter, (who is not really my friend but I'm kind of irritated with her right now--we'll talk about that in a minute) is somehow better. Look, lady, I know I have flaws. I know that I don't work very hard, and ny grades aren't best, but I am not STUPID. Secondly, just because your kid is on the gifted tennis team does not mean she is the greatest player on earth. I AM ON THE SAME TEAM. And frankly, some of the kids in my classes obviously had someone pulling strings for them.

This sounds mean and petty of me, but she will openly say things like, "(daughter's name) is in the honors club. You should try and join, (my name here)! You could really use the mental exercise."

"(daughter's name) got a B on her last math test--what did you get, (my name here)?" When she knows fully well that I got a C on the test because my class had had a substitute all week. She just wanted me to say it in front of my parents.

(God, I have an B in math. And I will tell my parents about my own test scores, thanks.)

Just...stuff like that. Like she's intentionally making me look bad. It doesn't seem like such a big deal, but keep reading and you'll get my point.

-snarlmutter-

Number 2: She just randomly shows up at people's houses. Like last week, at 6:30 P.M. she invites herself over. Look, lady, it's Friday night. We're TIRED. GO AWAY.

I don't know. It's okay to go to someone's place to hang out without calling if, you know, you're good friends. But she ISN'T. And--like, my mom was in her PAJAMAS. I was wearing a TOWEL because I had just taken a shower. She came in because she had caught sight of my dad, who was OBVIOUSLY GETTING OUT OF THE CAR, JUST WANTING TO COME HOME.

It's okay to stop him for a few seconds and chat. It is not okay to just hang around for half an hour.

(In case you'd like to know, I got dressed in about three minutes, packed a bag, and fled to the woods.)

Number Three: She blatantly kisses up to my mom. It is so sickening. I don't have an example for this one, but my dad agrees with me, so I'm NOT imagining it. It's like she wants to be 'best friends'--like, I don't know, she's trying to climb up in the social network. She's trying to be the popular one. The 'best' mom. And honestly, I just want to slap her and yell, "GET OVER YOURSELF. LIFE IS NOT HIGHSCHOOL." Because if you met her, you'd feel like you had just revisited prom-queen elections.

Number Four and the Really Big Reason: Her daughter cannot. Keep. Her mouth. Shut. Anything that I do is reported to her mother. ANYTHING. And honestly, I'm a pretty tame kid. I don't do drugs or drink or steal or have sex all the time. But she kind of...twists the story. So she doesn't LIE, she just makes it seem much, much worse. And furthermore, she'll go up to my parents and ask about it. "Is it true..." (insert crime) which I normally wouldn't care about THAT much, because I'm innocent in the first place, so I can always just tell my parents what happened and the case is closed. But she doesn't pull them aside and whisper--totally out of my concern. Instead, she ANNOUNCES IT at dinner parties and such--like I'm some tasty piece of gossip. Here are a few things she's 'assed on.'

Incident 1: (what really happened) In seventh grade, HER DAUGHTER was listening to my iPod. At LUNCH. But she got caught and the iPod was confiscated. (It should be noted that when her dad came to pick her up, he didn't really do anything. Way to take responsibility, God. The only way I was going to get it back was by having my parent COME TO THE SCHOOL and pick it up. Frankly, I am not calling my parents, who are both people with very demanding and busy jobs, (Stay-at-home mom/Gov. personnel) and forcing them to come to my school to get a stupid iPod. That's just ridiculous. I got it back in the end because my friend's mom pretended to be mine.
But of course, when she retells it, she just asks, "Is it TRUE that Erin got her iPod confiscated at school?" Which of course makes it sound like *I* was the one listening to it--during class, or something.

Incident 2: On a half day, a couple of my friends and I were walking over to my friend's house, (across the street from mine,) and we stopped in my house for, like, half an hour. I mean, we just tried on dresses, we were all girls, and the house cleaner was right upstairs. But of COURSE she makes it sound like I had some sort of party without my parents permission. Sex and drugs and alcolhol were obviously involved.

These are relatively tame, I guess, it's just that--it makes me SO MAD. I already HAVE a set of parents, ones that are much better than SHE is, and I am not a conversation starter. My mom, who is just trying to smooth things over, says that she's 'just looking out for me.'

...If she was 'just looking out for me,' she wouldn't say stuff like that in front of a crowd of people. And it's always really awkward for my mom and dad, because I don't TELL THEM about my life since--you know, it's not a big deal, and I am allowed to do what I want, so long as it isn't bad. So when she asks about stuff like that, they get worried that maybe I *am* on drugs, and THEY haven't heard about this, so I guess they just have to laugh it off awkwardly.

So. I just. ERRRRGH. LEAVE THEM ALONE, YOU BITCH.

And that's all. This rant was triggered because she called a few minutes ago, for no apparent reason, and started asking about what I was doing. I was pretty monosyllabic, since I DON'T WANT HER TO KNOW.

-deep breath-

Okay. I'm done now.